I am completely and utterly disappointed in myself. Boy, do I need grace.

"Our use of the tongue is the hinge on which the door in our souls swings open in order to reveal our spirit. In effect, our words are like so many media people rushing to file their reports on the condition of our soul." - Sinclair Ferguson

I realized that I won't see a lot of my friends and classmates for several years, if not ever again. Awkward silences are easy, goodbyes are difficult.

Today, I was reminded just how depraved people are and just how much we need grace.

faithfulness like none other

"you run away, He runs after you.

you don't love Him, He loves you anyway

you don't live for Him, He dies for you"

Finishing finals early is bittersweet. I'm basically a pariah now because nobody wants to hangout with me.

reflections, part 2

Yes, yes, yall and you don't stop...

Sorry, every so often my brain switches to a new genre of music. I tend to listen to seven specific genres: classical, jazz, alternative rock, hip-hop, christian, and mo-town/funk, and right now my brain has switched to hip-hop. It seems to always coincide with the last couple weeks of a quarter.

A couple weeks ago I had the privilege to attend the senior banquet held by my church, the Vine. And when my time came to share my thank you's, I froze for a little bit but this time I remembered what I wanted to say, thankfully.

A couple years ago, I tried to transfer to some snooty conservatory of the east coast, and was consequently rejected. I remember feeling so dejected, as if the world was simply telling me that my efforts and I weren't good enough, after all, this conservatory was cream of the crop. This is where real professionals were trained, but I wasn't allowed into the figurative VIP club of my craft. Dejected, I wondered whether I could be a part of that world. And no, that is not intended to be a Little Mermaid reference, but I guess it became one anyway.

Two years later, I stood in front of my church congregation, realizing that God had kept me in Los Angeles for those two years to continue nurturing my heart in ways I could have never imagined. He pruned me, placed me in the fire, and continued to nurture me in a way that wouldn't have happened had I left. One of the themes and yearly goals we had at The Vine a couple years ago was implementing a kingdom perspective. That is, a perspective that goes beyond the temporary whims of this world, and lasts for eternity. And it was through that I realized that while the world had rejected my efforts, God didn't reject me. Because in the end, our brokenness is made new through His infinite grace, and that means that I do have worth in the eternal kingdom, not the temporary world.

And without this realization, I wouldn't have realized that all this time, God's been faithful to me, patiently teaching me that His plan for me is much greater than the one I had for myself.